Reflections

I long for the days when everything was big
Whatever happened to that giant swing
That hung from under the cedar
Fastened by brightly colored rings

Oh how I long for those days of spring
When the school gates kept school children in
When the world seemed infinitely large
And the waistline unbelievably thin

Oh how I long for long summer days
That lasted forever and started in may
and extended till Autumn, oh those were the days
How I long to recollect from the haze

I remember camp, and biking home
Talking about heroes for hours on the phone
I remember life that used to be grand
When you were Darth Vader and I was superman

I remember camp and secret handshakes
And our little rascal clubhouse
And sleepovers at the lake
I remember, I remember and how!

God how I long for those days now,
Now just memories in an attic corner
And in this box, through time I dig
once again remembering when things were big.

For in and out, above, about, below,
’Tis nothing but a Magic Shadow
show,
Play’d in a box whose Candle is
the sun,
Round which we Phantom Figures
come and go.

The above verse comes from Edward Fitzgerald’s translation of one of Omar Khayyam’s Rubaiyat. The poem is of course talking about a shadow puppet show, with Omar (or Fitzgerald) comparing our lives to said puppet show. But having read this, I think an equally apt allusion would be the shadow puppet world of Thai politics.

At face value are the politicians, the puppets in this grand show, acting out their supposed duty to the audience. The audience of course is us. We are the one who buy’s into the shadow puppets lives and rhetoric, we believe what they say is real. When the democrat party comes out and says they were vehemently against the coup we believe them wholeheartedly, when the PT party campaigns for democracy, civil liberties and freedom of speech we believe them again. But what is unseen in this whole mess are the puppet masters, the people controling the shadow puppets, the generals, the billionaires, the court jesters, the privy councillors. When do we wake up from our shaddowed dream and declare enough is enough and turn a light on the whole procession? To those that think this game is worthy of being played, that this is how it has always been, the pessimists, just know your time runs short. Sooner or later everyone wakes from there dreams, be it utopic or nightmarish.

Consider a rose in all its splendid beauty. Imagine its flower, its petals, its various shapes and colors combining to form the articulate beauty evoked by countless poets and writers since time memoriam. Consider again the same rose, look beyond the flower, and see its thorny visage. This too was not lost on the poets, “Has not thy rose a thorn?” (Shakespeare: Henry IV Part I)

Now consider the Christian religion. Despite the very best efforts of the Enlightenment and the philosophers of the 20th century, Christianity has once again inserted inself in the forefront of political argument. In the United States the revival of the religious right seems in full affect. Even among the most centrist of Republicans, there seems to be an overwhelming need to pander to the Christian Conservative movement. Instead of isolating the extremes of the party, the right seems be more concerned with pandering to what it now considers (rightly or wrongly) its base.

The anti religous movement is also gaining tract. As a separate demographic entity, new atheism is the largest growing “religion” across the Western World. Led by the likes of Davis, Dawkins, and the late Christopher Hitchen’s, this collection of individuals finds increasing tract with those that have become disillusioned with the increasingly dogmatic followers of religion.

But for myself personally, I have found that the Christian religion cannot be attributed the simple explanations put forth by either side. As someone who would define himself as a skeptic, I have trouble swallowing some of the more extremes of Christian beliefs. Particularly, the literal interpretations of scripture and the continued clash with science by some sects of Christianity puts a “us against them” mentality that is both off putting and insulting to all the human progress that has occured between the 18th century and the present day. By reverting Christianity to be a religion that is anti-science and anti-progress, many denominations fly in the face of names like Hume, Schleiermacher, Voltaire, Kant, Spinoza and more.

But at the same token, the New Atheist tendency to demonize religions for all the evils off the world is also rudimentary and unfair. While it is true that Globalization and Islam has had an unfortunate coming together, and that the Christian faith has been used as an excuse for the unfair persecution of many, to say that it is essence of evil is not altogether truthful. Even much demonized institutions such as the Catholic Church has brought about good in the world. Missionaries, Aid and Charity Groups run in the name of God continue to bring aboug good works worldwide, increasing life expectancy, literacy and more.

Thus perhaps one can say that religion is like our rose, beautiful and dangerous at the same time. But one should not attempt to look at the flower without the thorns, nor the thorns without the flower for it would be unfair. Rather like with almost everything else in the world, the whole picture must be looked at in order to understand it fully.

As you may have heard Thailand’s wonderfully efficient justice system has just sentenced a 60 year old grandfather to 20 years in prison for insulting the monarchy through four sms (text) messages. Oh and the grandfather has cancer so will probably die in prison. So in order to celebrate the removal of this degradation and filth from society and the wonderfulness of the Thai justice system, I have made posters!

PAST

I stumble across a photograph
Relegated by time to memory
Of a bright summer day
And bright summer smiles

The boy stares at me
But his face, I hardly recognize
The girl studies him
Engrossed in his youth

His stare is unnerving
Their surroundings are foreign
But for all the beauty of scenery
She becomes the focus

She studies the boy,
like she studies the world
Irrepressible, irresistible
And now in my hands, immortal

Now her beauty will never fade
Like the memory of her scent
The octave of her laugh
The warmth of her smile
The passion of her embrace
The tears of her sorrow
The joys of our past

PRESENT

She calls me up for coffee
And professes her remembrance
“Its been forever” she says
I readily agree

And sitting at the cafe
My palms are sweaty
The butterflies return
From the long hiatus of adulthood

She enters at long last
After a lifetime of waiting
Even the sorrows of her changing face
Cannot conceal such beauty

She sits and memory seeps
Like an intoxicating cloud of recollection
But the ocean of childhood enthusiasm
Has been replaced by adult vanities

We catch up and reminisce
“Oh he’s working there still”
Small talk and laughs
And a hug and goodbyes

“Let’s do this again soon”
I am still in love with the girl
In the photograph
But not the stranger I just met

FUTURE

What hope is there for me
What love can lie in store?
For my heart has already been given
To a nonexistent polaroid

 I have a new hero! A man who combines the machismo of old world martialism with new world feudalism! For those that don’t know him Akeyuth Anchanbutr is a renowned self made businessman whose public profile increased exponentially after 2005 when he accused then prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra of manipulating the stock market. Of course covered and heralded by Nation Group and Manager Media, Mr Akeyuth used his new found public powers for good by acquiring a radio show and semi celebrity status. Then a few days ago he posted this…

I added that legend part because clearly he is. Anyways roughly translated what he posted is this:

I really don’t want to say this because it might seem like I am looking down on women, but the truth is….Northern girls who lack an education or are lazy or mentally retarded will work in easy occupations that normal women won’t do…this usually entails prostitution. Therefore Northern girls who are lacking in intelligence and stupid beyond belief, that has the audacity to accept a position, should know what profession entails them best.

He follows up that gem with this one after a few people became offended (I really don’t know why!):

This translated:

I really must apologize if i have offended some people..but please read the true intent of my post..I did not accuse or look down upon anyone but merely spoke what was true. (!!!) We should try to understand each other (try to understand me is what he’s saying really) and to whom i was referring to. I respect the rights of every profession but don’t accept those audacious enough to destroy our society and nation. Besides prostitutes don’t cause problems for anyone and certain people without mental capacities shouldn’t volunteer to come in….

Of course being the moral compass that he is, he wasn’t done.

You people (referring to commenters on the facebook post) are saying that we should respect prostitution as a profession, fine…I think that if we understood different meanings it is not something to hate upon but if you think that your ideals so special then please don’t even bother sharing them. What I say, I have to take responsibility for and I wasn’t out of my mind (when I said it). The meaning (of my post) is there for the reader to interpret how they see fit, but don’t use your ideas to judge other peoples…And if you say that I am looking down upon others then go ahead but I already told you that I hate the lazy who want to profit with cheap methods, that’s all…and if you like or dislike (that statement) its up to you…

S-I-G-H. Well clearly we know who he is referring to, but even then…I could probably spend hours dissecting what he said and pointing to all its flaws. I could probably note in what ‘civilized’ country could a semi relevant commentator call his elected leader a HOE and get away with it. I could probably note the chauvinism in his language et cetera. But like he says we should only judge him for what he says rather than what we derive from his statements through our own views. So without further a-due I present AKESITH SAVES…

and finally…

I’ve been given a lot of shellacking with the recent “How to date a Thai Woman” article so I thought I would even up the odds and write my appraisal of the group that I tried to satirize and who view Thai women in such a light, namely Thai ‘Hi-So’ men.

Unfortunately unlike my appraisal of Thai Women, I cannot really find any fault with this demographic. In fact upon further investigation I slowly begin to wish that I did not grow up abroad so I too can be as cool as them.

I want to drive with abandon and without traffic laws, and spend more money on my car than my house. You see its ok to hit and possibly kill passing pedestrians if I were a young Thai ‘Hi-So’ because daddy can just get me to plead temporary insanity and get his friend the judge to let me off or simply pay off relatives of the deceased more than what they’ll make in a lifetime thanks to Thailand’s super awesome wealth/income disparity.

Don’t get me started on how awesome I could dress if I were one of those guys. Don’t criticize, come on, give me one good reason why I wouldn’t want to walk around Siam Paragon with dark woman sunglasses, it shows that one is in touch with one’s feminine side. As for the rolled up trousers, reed loafers, well clearly that’s just good taste. It almost makes up for the fact that I cannot grow facial hair, but I wouldn’t need to because looking and acting like a 12-year-old girl is apparently in trend. Forget maturity, who needs to grow up and get a job when I can just inherit the family business.

This leads me to my next point, if I were one of those guys I wouldn’t have any qualms about Manchester United; after all, bandwagon jumping and easy success is the stalwart and hallmark of Thai hi-so-ness. Its also the end product of living in a society where wealth and influence is respected no matter how it is earned.

Speaking of which, if I were a hi-so Thai guy then I wouldn’t have to care about politics and politicians or the future of my country; of course I would feign knowledge for conversations with the opposite sex, but it’s usually limited to arguments like, “I like him because he’s well educated” and “I hate corruption.”

You see education is important (face value = everything!) in this social group unless ofcourse you happen to be going somewhere where there are no Thai people then it sucks because no one would recognize your right to privilege. The only safe place to go then really is London where I can associate with hundreds of other culturally aware Thai males who immerse themselves in the local culture of Thai Karaoke joints and bars.

And don’t get me started on dating women. It’s a good thing I am Thai because I am looking for a 23 year old with a 12 year old’s body and since I live in a country where the regular dress size is 3, its not really an issue. All in all, like Jay Z (the musician of choice) once said, “It feels good to be a gangsta!” (of which they are not unless of course you’re the son of a mob boss)

Mulling over the last election and the aftermath since, especially in light of the return of partisanship in Thailand, I am moved to try and give an account of both sides and their sentiments.

For the Democrats their feelings are much clearer to me and they revolve around the word entitlement. Not entitlement in the sense of thinking they have the right to rule merely because of the position of their birth but a different kind of entitlement. To many of the Democrats and their supporters, the traditional thinking seems to be that they come ‘from better stock’ than their Peu Thai counterpart, they have attended the finest schools inside and outside of the nation. Their rhetoric, diction, verbosity, ability has been judged by their academic peers at the highest of recognized institutions worldwide. If you are a supporter of the Democrat Party you know that you are civilized, you and your leaders have the degrees that say so. You have clinked tea cups inside the hallowed halls of Harvard, Oxford, Cambridge with other would be world leaders. Your intelligence and merit (or at least those of the people you believe in) have been proven to be world class. What more, you assert (rightfully or wrongfully) that you have divine mandate because you clearly support the institution of the Monarch, something the opposition views in contempt*, something they want to destroy. But for all your superior education, the righteousness of your cause and the wealth at your disposal your methods have proven incapable of bringing results. Election after election you lose to a party and a people you view as uneducated, despotic, treasonous and anti establishment. A people that you have very little emotional, empathetic connection to. They live a lifestyle that is absolutely feudal, how then can they win a game that you have spent your life studying, how can they understand concepts of democracy and economy developed by Smith and Locke and Rousseau? They have more in common with the buffalos they herd and tend than those pillars of ‘democracy.’ Bitterness grows, despite coups and extra-judicial entitlements you cannot hold on to an electorate despite the weakest of oppositions. SO when the flood comes you criticize, you verbalize your displeasure, your supporters do the same, to them (and yourself)  it was only natural that these people without righteousness of morality and education of any disposition would bring about destruction to the country. But for all your negativity and criticisms, it still won’t win you any elections.

Now for Peu Thai.

You are the have nots, the people that were born without nothing. All that you have done to get you into power was done in the generation of your fathers or yourself. You swapped Harvard refinement with Eastern Kentucky homeliness. Education to you wasn’t as important as building networks of close friends and family members who would stay truly loyal, with the ultimate goal being the advancement of your individual passions. You give the people what they want, as long as its something that you do not desire. But when the coup came, you became disenfranchised, you screamed unfair, irregular, taking up the mantles of Democracy and liberty and rights. The monarchy was never your concern, you paid lip service, but when they came hunting you for anti monarchy charges and it united you further, you exploited it, used it to your advantage. You successfully exploited the growing intellectual class, gave self awareness to the peasantry in the bid that you might one day take up power again. Those have-alls, those well-to-bes, they don’t represent the will of the people, you do! You will use your billions to help them you promise, you will come back if their blood is shed you say. So you win the election, and become complacent, you ll give the people some of your promises, they helped you get there, but victory has made you arrogant. People start to wonder if the cries in favor of liberty and rights was just a pantomime in this varied game of thrones for you abandoned them when liberty and rights might threaten your hold on power. Then the flood comes, you’re unprepared, your victory seems hallow, you’ll win the next election, but how much will your complacency cost you? Besides the dead’s bloods is still on your hand.

Conclusion:

Perhaps what the Democrats fail to see is their constant evocation of the monarchy has done more to tarnish that precious institution than anything the red shirts and Peu Thai ever did. By becoming more militant those ardent defenders turned neutrals into critics. For all their intellectual and liberal background the Democrats are still shackled by their patronage networks which they sit at the bottom of.

As for Peu Thai, their inept handling of everything has damaged the goodwill of their election. Even before the flood their neglect of the promises of which they stand for has threatened to alienate the intellectual core of their voters.  And like the Democrats, PT are also shackled by their extended network of patronage of which they sit at the top.

Back to Blogging

I am going to try blogging again. Going to deviate from being sarcastic and cynical for one blog post and post something a bit more sincere.

People ask me why did I leave. After all I had a couple of great jobs, a lot of great friends and a really comfortable life in Bangkok. In the month that I have been away, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it on the odd occasion.

It would be a lie to say that I am here to get a master’s degree and further my career; I’m studying history, focusing on intellectual history, so its hardly going to get me any more money that I am making now.

It would be a half lie to say that I was here to further my intellectual pursuits. I love my courses so far, I find them engrossing and fulfilling but they were not the reason why I had left town and my loved ones behind.

To be quite honest to you and myself, until a few days ago I didn’t know why I had left, I just knew I had to and I knew it had to be for a while.

***

Then last Tuesday I was reading in the chapel library at the school when that question crept its way back into my head and I couldn’t concentrate. So I left the library and stood outside looking at the old extinct volcano that towers over Edinburgh.

I don’t know what compelled me to climb it. People do it all the time for tourist reasons. But it had never interested me until that moment. Its not a particularly hard climb, but me being a tad bit out of shape (probably more than a tad bit) and not knowing it, I decided to take the ‘hard climb’ route and made it a longish journey up.

 ***

The way up was completely gorgeous and I appreciated it but it wasn’t until I reached the top that I had my epiphany. Luckily since I was in the library beforehand I had a little notebook with me and here is what I wrote:

“It makes you want to believe. I would like to say I am a man of science, that I explain the world through logic and reason, but being up here amidst the cold and the wind and the horizon, I would not fault anyone for taking up a higher power. No wonder the ancients believed with such ferocity in the power of a creator when I can scarcely put into words the wonders of the creation.”

And in that moment I knew why I had left. I don’t know if I can put into words what I felt and continue to feel and I don’t know if trying would cheapen that moment. I just know that here, I know peace. A peace that I haven’t felt in over a year, a peace far removed from the days of seeing mindless carnage, death and destruction, done deceitfully under the façade of hope. Away from the desperation of the needy, the plight of the stricken, away from the people who chose to ignore them so that they might further their motives, whatever they may be.

I sat near the summit for hours just taking it all in, moved more by the moment than maybe the scenery. I think its appropriate to end with this quote from Carl Sagan:

“The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides.”

 

In Harbour

From calm seas and restless winds
I stay hidden
in harbour

My mast kept, my sails away
moored to my berth
by starboard

My bow dips for no one
my stern at ease and rest

No storm will sink me
no fate will befall me

No trips, no voyage,
to North or South or East or West

*

The people come from miles away
to admire my finest finishing’s.
My resin floor, my elegant lines
exhuming wayward looks from all.

What I wonder do they think,
when they gaze from deck to distance?
What lies beyond that horizon
but troubled waters and seas?

**

They come and go, generations now
that come and admire my steadfast bow
With children’s laughter my timbers age
With old men’s whispers my colours fade

And then when wood is rot
when keys forgot
when sails are furled
and only dust remains
will I wonder with some disdain?

..That ships are elegant and ships are true
Especially over the waters on which they flew
Through rain or shine, in wind and wet
Plowing forward to whatever fates they met

Bravely going to whatever lay in store,
that ships are safe in harbour
but is not what ships were made for?